Now there are lots,plenty,tons of things you people do on Facebook on the daily that need to go. But as for now we will just focus on 5, don’t worry though. I will correct plenty more of your terrible Facebook Behaviors in the future.
#1 – Posting every intimate detail about your relationship.
Now I am not a Bitter Betty, I swear! However, yes it’s understandable to want to share a post about a special moment with “bae”, or pics from #DateNight. However, we do not need to feel like we are the damn 3rd person in some kind of mormon-esque polyamorous set up either. Why does the world need to see a pic of your man doing basic ass shit that any respectable partner would do? “OMG,My King mowed the lawn today, that is what real love is…let me zoom in on these grass clippings for you, you see that? #MyBlackLoveIsBeautiful”. Girl if you don’t get!!! On the same token, people want to share every fight/argument online too. But for why?? Yes Shaquan smashed the homies, but is it really needed for you to make a status about it & tag her, her mama, her auntie & big mama letting the world know what a hoe you thinks he is? Nah, not so much…Especially when you people will drag your significant others to hell & back on the daily…only to get back with them 85 times & flip the script the next day pledging your undying affection. Take your dysfunctional ass on somewhere! Not only is this not a good look, but it opens up the floodgates for all the thirst buckets lying in wait to catch you slipping so they can roll up into your significant other’s inbox like “HEYYYY BOOO”!
# 2 – Sharing too much house business!
Piggy-backing off of #1, people share too much in general! Not everything is for everybody! In my day *shakes cane angrily at the sky* …if you beat your kid’s ass for bad grades, got fired, got a the clap…you kept that shit to yourself. Now everyone wants to let the world know anytime something super private & personal happens. For example, while having a miscarriage is no doubt a very traumatic experience (Just look how upset Beyonce’ was when she faked one), why are you uploading pics of your peanut sized blood clot of a baby onto Facebook? WHY? Not to sound insensitive, but do we need to see it in a knit cap the size of a bottle cap in various poses & locations in a slide show with some Baby Face song playing? Who is that really for? I would rather see a million pics of people’s lunch & their cats than the person who wants all of their friends list to watch them live stream as they cuss out little Aquanetta on camera because she left her dishes in the sink….(not that this is not a crime surely punishable by death, we just don’t need to see it on your Facebook).
#3 – Being an Attention Whore!
We all want some sort of attention if we are on Facebook. Otherwise we wouldn’t have any friends on there & just get our Anne Frank on & make it our personal journals. However, some of y’all just do too much! I get it, I do…something awful happens & you want a quick & easy way to let everyone know all at once, so you rush to the book of face & make a status…BUT, if you are telling everyone that the beetus finally took Big Ma to glory simply because you want 400 likes & angel emojis on your post & not because you truly wanted to share this news with your friends, then you have a problem! Some folks have the worst luck ever! I never knew so many people have one terrible thing after another happen to them on a daily basis before Facebook. If your timeline consists of you saying how your car broke down Monday, you were mugged Tuesday, your house caught on fire Wednesday & you missed How To Get Away With Murder on Thursday…I am inclined to think you are making some of that shit up! The worse ones are people who say stuff like “this is the most tragic day ever, please pray for me, i am crying,omg…” & then everyone comments asking what is wrong & they reply “I don’t want to talk about it, please respect my privacy”. THE LIES, if you didn’t want to talk about or wanted privacy you never would have posted the shit to begin with! We all know you wanted features, so gon’ head & sop em’ up!
# 4 – Type Amen if you love Jesus, ignore if you love Satan.
Now I am no expert on scripture by any means, but I must have missed the text that said God’t is measuring our time on earth by what Facebook posts we comment and share. I also do not think that 1 comment = 10 respects either. I am not even sure what “a respect” is or how we are garnering these systems of measurements. I do however know that I pay those types of posts the utmost Dust. They are always posted by someone just trying to whore likes for their page, they don’t give two shits about the burn victim baby or amputee war vet they are posting about. Half the time the story affiliated with it is completely false. They just put anything because they know people are stupid enough to share & comment it. After all, it’s on the internet so it must be true right? “Little Bobby turned 4 today, wish him happy birthday….unless you love Hitler”…whet? I don’t know who is worse, the people who make these or the people that by into it & blindly share it! I don’t care how many prayers my comment equals for the Getty Image you found & slapped the sob story on. Also, if me not sharing in 5 seconds will cause my mother to spontaneously combust, then so be it! Sometimes I am convinced people just want something to share, regardless of what it is. The same goes for those posts of stacks of money, sorry but sharing that won’t actually get you paid…you still gotta get your ass up & go clock in at Wendy’s in the morning! If you really loved the Lord’t you would have your behind in the sanctuary on Sunday, not typing Amen on some click bait! Now can I get an Amen???
#5 – Being an uppity Negro!
I hate to break it to you, but just because you like wine instead of 40’s & listen to Erykah Badu instead of Nikki Minaj or go to Museums instead of parties, that doesn’t make you special hun! People love to post about how they aren’t like other people their age, or from their area, etc. All because they do what they think is super luxurious & refined shit, when in reality it’s just basic as fuck. The fact that you feel the need to not only down other people for what THEY choose to do with THEIR money because it’s not the same kind of thing you find fun, but then act like you are somehow better than them because of it? OH…K DEN. This can be seen with pretty much anything…”oh she has weave, she don’t love herself cus she not natural like me”. While you may be rockin’ the Florida Evans fro with ease, that shit ain’t for everyone! Let sistah girl get her new weave new weave 22 inches & mind ya bidness! Who are you trying to impress anyway? Because quite as it’s kept, for many of you boojie Bitches (Men can be Bitches too), you talking all this shit only to have to go home every night & use the same rag you wash yo booty with on your face too. So who’s less than now? That’s right, you let that sink in!